Lacking another single moment to spare
I move at the speed of a hesitant breath
Dig beneath my feet to find the key
Unhand the prize I force the jaws apart

 

Apart and unbound
The moment of transcendence
is upon us now

 

My knuckles bone white under the sun
Scratch beneath layers of shrapnel
and thumbnails of battles lost and won
The metaphors get mixed up with every line

 

Apart and unbound
the moment of transcendence
is upon me now

 

thought i should be looking for something
uprooting a past life pain strife
thought i should be finding revelations
forget the voice that repeats the line
thought i'd look back again before that step
yesterday's face is a smirk this time

 

Apart and unbound
the moment of transcendence
is upon me now

I've given everything I had
for this single future.

 

Apart and unbound
Let it fill me and beyond.

 

-SF_5/2005

 

 

 

revision from 5/2003

 

we could live in the trees

awake beneath the stars

our hands float free

I can see so far

How I've let myself be

Windshield of my car

Tree-lined reflection of me

I can see so far

 

And all I've learned from all the tastes

of bitter words and days

For all I've seen, it's this very moment

With you alone I crave

 

take my hand and run
never see their faces again
our lives floating free
I can see so very far
How I've let myself be
Windshield of my car
Tree lined reflection of me
I can see so very far

 

see it coming closer, don't avert your gaze
the future arrived today
for all I've seen, its this very moment
with you alone i crave.

 

 

-SF_5/2005

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is no real solution

to the problem that is at hand

a past tense pragmatic conclusion

mass delusions appearing grand

 

Want to feel realization

Quick to act slow to see

Screaming mindless elation

this isn't what i wanted to be

 

this is

life number nine

everybody on the rocks

lfie number nine

water's up to my socks

but I feel fine

all these doors without locks

 

i'm out on one condition
that you'll take it back to me
if you were in my position
you'd do the same indeed

 

But it's
Life number nine
Everybody’s on the rocks
I wish I was blind
numb to life’s little shocks
Life number nine
And my head is in a box

 

-SF_4/2005

 

 

 

 

today my faith

is all consigned

indebted with grace

you're all mine

 

a warmer place

inside my head

within your bed

beside yourself

 

wanting to trace

the beginning of lines

scarlet and lace

your beauty is divine

indebted with grace

you're all mine

 

a warmer place

inside my head

across the sea

beneath your bones

 

a warmer place

to ground myself

within your bed

beside yourself

 

feel it in my marrow

not the hollow anymore

feel it in my marrow

not the hollow anymore

 

a warmer place. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SF. 4/04

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SF. 3/04

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

seeping through

the journal tonight

in the entries dated

a year from this week

 

felt my hands on the page

a year younger,

365 days more naive

8,760 hours beyond

still dreaming those dreams

 

where is that room

in which time once wandered

and lost itself again?

 

will i forget soon

the things i have pondered

since i first touched her hand?

 

weary of this gloom

my soul should wander

through that vast desert land

 

i seek to find the room

into which time once wandered

and i feel i'll lose myself again.

 

-sf, 5/03

 

 

 

 

I've been searching for the line

To the meaning that has been so clear

I've been left alone too many times

Just can't let the hope inside me disappear

If i can just tell myself everything is fine

if i can just tell myself everything is fine

 

And in a moment

the world could break in two

and in a moment

I would have done anything for you

and in a moment

the darkness will set on this room

in a moment

everything is gone too soon

 

you say you live by the breath

is this breath over for you?

even though it passed me by

and even when i close my eyes

i see you before me where you lie

and something inside me simply dies

 

and in a moment

the world could break in two

and in a moment

I would have done anything for you

and in a moment

I'll be too numb to say a thing

and in a moment

I'll forget the words my thoughts bring

for a moment

i reach out to feel your face

and in that same moment

you disappear without a trace

 

 

 

 

 

The man in the gray pinstripe vest

says he's getting a little old for his job

Gotta give the tired knuckles a rest

no one hears the silent sobs.

 

And he remembers the way the girls smelled

in their chiffon blouses and pleated skirts

a bit of smile, a bit of mystery

a bit of wine, a bit of dancing

Young Mr. Kaufman's blues hide themselves

in the wrinkles beneath the old man's eyes

 

How he quietly clears the dirty plates

and smiles at the young lady's blue eyes

The sweet smell is the same even this late

but she won't look at him, won't even try

 

And he remembers the girl from Tuscany

in her flowered skirts and broken shoes

A bit of smile, a bit of mystery

A bit of wine, a bit of dancing

Young Mr. Kaufman's blues hide themselves

in the wrinkles beneath the old man's eyes

 

and he doubts they'll look at him anymore

The neon sign is half out and the bar is closed

winter wind blusters through the crooked door

Mr. Kaufman sings the blues his heart chose

now he's not dancing anymore

Mr. Kaufman sings the blues his heart chose

and no one sees him anymore

Mr. Kaufman sings the blues his heart chose

now he's not with us anymore.

 

by Sf

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday night after work

you don your plaid skirt

Hair in your face, smile beneath

you pull up your stockings

and wrap yourself in that long coat

whirl yourself away beneath your own skin

 

So i tell myself one more time

the words i choose to rhyme

of the shadows that fall down

every time i think of your face frown

It doesn't matter anymore

I think we've just closed the door

 

We're gone away for awhile

I don't know if we'll ever be the same

And I will walk a mile

In shoes that fill you with such shame

Its just the darkness in your style

That fills me with such pleasant pain

 

You could pretend I'm not here

wrap yourself up in their affections

Whirl yourself away beneath your fear

Never to feel the pain of reflection

 

You could live forever in their smiles

and dance in the smoky light downtown

of foreign tastes and different trials

how you'll run away without a sound

 

 

she got out barely alive

and her soul scarcely survived

i always thought the next time i saw her

she'd have a child in her arms

i always thought the next time i saw her

the darkness behind her eyes

would be gone

 

CHORUS:

she got out barely alive

but her passion was hard to revive

and they always thought the best thing for her

was the thing she never wanted

and they always told her she wasn't good enough

so she pushed herself too hard

 

 

fallen sunsets>wash the days away

don't be afraid don't be afraid

we only come out on fallen days

oh how you excavate my chest>saturate my skull

what did you expect to find>when you looked inside my mind?

 

still in an eggshell>my eyes are pink and half-blind

glossy sheen over new skin

 

why am i running from you?

don't be afraid don't be afraid

don't be afraid don't be afraid

why am i running from you?

why am i running from this?

 

i can't sleep with all this tired screaming

 

love like snow covered cedars

like a blind man i pray to know>to know its existence

are these the trees i see?

don't be afraid don't be afraid

is this the reality of me?

don't be afraid don't be afraid

 

why am i running from you?

why am i running from this?

 

i can't sleep with all this tired dreaming.

 

 

 

 

 

coming down the escalator right next to macy's

thought i saw you, keeping your hands in your pockets

cause you didn't want to touch the handrails

you were wearing a red t-shirt and blue jeans

and everything about you made me hold my breath again

you were never there, this i now know

 

i'm walking backwards on the escalator

my feet keep moving forwards

but i'm staying in one place

goodnight, goodnight

alright, alright.

 

taken down a notch

take me down another step

i will never reach to you

i won't ever search for you

and we come into view

we fade away again

we come into view

and we fade away again

 

the frailest leaves of me

my thoughts i cannot hide

words fall further from the tree

to myself i can no longer confide

 

i was hit once

but i won't ever hit back

the past reaches out to me

but i unclasp my hands

from its deathly grip

and we come into view

we fade away again

we come into view

and we fade away again

 

 

 

she smiles to him slyly

through a 1/8 inch thick

window-pane

and up this point

he's never been closer

how it twists his brain

 

youth's just a spell

says the old man to my face

so drink fast and well

and pick up your bloody pace

son, life's nothing but a hard sell

and you've just entered the race

 

so i put my writing on the wall

and hope my words are true

no more will i wait in the hall

feeling depressed and simply blue

i'm no longer afraid to fall

you'll find it someday too

 

months come and go

and i find myself becoming stronger

the world constantly grows

the journey becomes longer and longer

the lines upon our faces show

how the heart and mind grows fonder

 

so i put my writing on the wall

and i hope my words are true

no more will i wait in the hall

feeling depressed and simply blue

i'm no longer afraid to fall

you'll find it someday too.

 

and you'll truly love someone one day

i know you'll find the one who waits for you

staring with his beauty-stricken gaze

and your look in return will be equally true

although one can never truly say

someone has a beautiful future being with you

 

she smiles to him slyly

through a 1/8 inch thick

window-pane

and up to this point

he's never been closer

how it twists his brain

 

i put my writing on the wall

now i'm no longer afraid to fall

i put my writing on the wall

and i'm no longer scared at all

 

-SF, 11/10/02

 

 

 

Feeling Friday Night

 

friday night and i'm feeling rather lost

a little bit older than i was last week

watching windows glaze over with frost

unsaid words floating over the empty streets 

from the bed where i turn and toss

 

i see you sitting all alone

fighting with yourself over something

and i'm trying not to pick up the phone

even though in my head it constantly rings

can't help but think

that we could be together now

yet i feel my heart sink

cause i can't imagine how

 

friday night and i'm feeling a little cold

there's someplace i wish i could be

if only you were so willing to be bold

and i wish, i wish you could just see

sometimes you just need someone to hold

 

and i'll try just once again

not to think of being with you

cause no matter where i stand

you don't feel the same too

and it kills me every time i consider it

feel like i'm falling apart once more

i thought we just somehow fit

never occured to me i would see the door

close in my face even if just for a bit

 

friday night and i'm feeling alone again

a little bit wiser than i was last week

as i write this song on the back of my hand

unsaid words floating over empty streets

and the world grows colder here where i stand.

 

-SF, 11/1/02

 

 

 

 

 

woke up this morning

with the freezing burning

fever chill

i'm sorry to say

i feel like i just

lost all my will

 

and it's not a sickness

i see in me

it's the undoing of

something i can't

quite grasp

caught in the ensuing

act of falling

i wake up, broken

cause i'm made of glass

 

woke up this morning

to a bed cold and empty

humorless thrills

wish i could believe

you think at all

about me still

 

 

I'm just a little tired of smiling about nothing

and feeling like i'm awake when i might as well be sleeping

i'm a little burnt out on being so alone all the time

and i'm just sick, so sick of being out of control

 

and when i want you, you want us less

no matter what i say or what i do

i can't push harder, dare not regress

how far i reach, or try to follow you

doesn't matter, and my life's such a mess.

 

when your days come crashing down on your head

and you wonder why you told me to leave

how i still think about the words you said

i'm somehow wishing you would still believe

 

and when i want you, you want us less

no matter what i say or what i do

i can't push harder, dare not regress

how far i reach, or try to follow you

doesn't matter, and my life's such a mess

 

one of these days i'll just smile cause i'm growing numb

these things must work both ways and i know this won't

just when i thought i had life neatly under my thumb

i can't expect you to think about me, if you really don't

 

and everything comes around again and again

we realize our mistakes when it's just too late

maybe someday you'll return here where i stand

I guess i just have to leave it all up to fate

 

and i'm almost done with this contrived verse

maybe its like every other one you've ever known

i was tired of this self-wallowing at first

but now it all makes sense, this plaintive moan

it's just another selfish cry for thirst

i'm selling off all the self-pity i've ever owned.

 

-SF, 11/2/02

 

 

 

 

 

not too far from here

by sf

 

she always wears her hair down

even when her mother tells her

to tie it back

and every time she frowns

i see traces of her smile

not too far back

 

she always bites her lower lip

when she's lying

i smile back

and every time she walks

the wind dies down and the rain

seems to stop

 

she stays in her own little world

not too far from here

and i wonder if she'll ever

open the door

she's not too far from here

 

and her shirt's always pulled down

to the side, her shoulder sticking out

i never fixed it

and every time she laughs

the warmth flows down to my toes

and back

 

by sf

 

 

thought I had the words one day

can't seem to open up my mind now

 

soundless upon the hillside

there i found my soul and died

somehow trapped on the inside

here i found my soul and died

 

and the vultures stare down

at my approaching body

am i dead yet, oh am i lost?

and her shadow walks in the clearing

where the wind never blows

and her shadow walks in the clearing

where the wind never blows

 

 

by sf

 

 

wish i could climb up the walls

sink my fingers into the popcorn

watch you walk around all day

 

found myself awaken but i wasn't in the bed

i was looking up at the floor

cant explain exactly how i got here

or who will save me, pull me down

down to the floor

 

but i can safely say

i'm walking on the sky

i can safely say

my life is running on high

i can safely say

i'm starting to try

 

found myself staring at the floor

and all the furniture started

falling on top of me

and i realized what was happening

the world agreed with me

now everyone

wants to live on the ceiling

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i wrote upon the wall

all you meant to me

feel so dark so alone now

in this night i cry out a plea

all i am, all i see

this reflection, is it all i'll ever be?

 

think i'm sometimes crazy

sometimes stark raving

hazy

think i'm sometimes crazy

sometimes stark raving

hazy

 

and i keep turning around

seeing that darkened face again

he's in there, staring me down

were his eyes on my back all along?

in this night i cry out a plea

all i am, all i see

this reflection, is it all i'll ever be?

 

what would you do?

if you couldn't look at yourself

in the mirror

what would you do?

 

think i'm sometimes crazy

sometimes stark raving

hazy

think i'm sometimes crazy

sometimes stark raving

hazy

 

just seeing this reflection

wish i could shed the darkened days

this imminent reflection

can't blame you for turning away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the way the dominos fall

so far apart

and we waltz

that never ending life-dance

so far apart

 

as i drive by

in the gleam of an eye

something flickers:

     something i might have tried

the glimmer in her face:

      a passer-by

but what to say?

       she'll still fly

fly away, what to say?

fly away, we never stay

 

CHORUS:

so far apart

we move in circles

but we're so far apart

and i want to meet you

but we're so far apart

and i need you to save me

but we're so far apart

 

i don't care what happens

i want you to awaken

i want to hear your voice

but I'm just a stranger

what to say? she'll still fly

fly away, what to say?

fly away, we never stay

 

CHORUS

 

and we waltz

that never ending life-dance

but we're still so far apart

far apart

 

 

 

 

 

 

Looking into these vacant faces

trying to find eyes but seeing nothing

seeing nothing

 

Wondering if we're all dead yet

or if the world is more real than we are

and i reach out

and i try to touch

i reach out

falling doesn't hurt much

but realizing you've just hit the ground

and have to get up

can't say it doesn't hurt much

 

Wondering if we're all dead yet

or if the world is more real than we are

sometimes i think we're only seeing

when we should be looking

I think we stopped trying

the day we learned to see

without looking

 

cause i'm looking

and nobody sees me

and i'm seeing everyone

fall around me

it's only cause i'm looking

that i notice they're already gone

but when you see them

you might never know

 

and i reach out

and i try to touch

i reach out

falling doesn't hurt much

but realizing you've just hit the ground

and have to get up

can't say it doesn't hurt much

 

wondering if we're all dead yet

or if the world is more real than we are

sometimes i think we're only seeing

when we should be looking

sometimes i think we stopped trying

the day we learned to see

without looking

 

cause i'm looking

and you don't see me

and i see you

fall around me

it's only cause i'm looking

that i notice you're already gone

but when i just see you

i might never know.

 

 

 

 

 

see the world

in the eyes of a newborn

the dying of a star

the breath of a new day

 

time ticks by

but they don't know

they don't even know

why they got up today

 

don't we even realize

time is just an invention

i can't begin to emphasize

the clock is just an extension

just for once hypothesize

how our true intentions

are to enslave ourselves

 

out of our time

spent and lost at the same moment

we're getting spun

out of our time

always losing, always expending

we're getting cheated, getting taken

out of our time

 

imagine your life

carefully divided into sections

all the pain and strife

split into moments of self-inspection

 

is this really the way

we should spend our lives?

by ending each day

trapped and locked inside?

 

 

 

 

Please follow me

Dont be shy

Trust me now

Maybe we could go somewhere

Maybe we could fly

 

But no

How you turn your back

How you turn away from me

Broken

Like youve followed too many times

Fallen

Cause you flew before and found the ground

Hit it again and again

 

I guess there must be something in

The way the wind blows

Ive never flown before

Wont you show me?

Show me what Im waiting for

 

You still have wings

I can see them now

Ive told you over and over

But you never believed me

 

Standing above the valley

Staring off into something

Both massive and nebulous

How could you possibly guess

What lies beyond?

 

Do we stand here

And keep on looking

Our feet narrowly planted on the ground

Or could we fly?

 

I guess there must be something in

The way the wind blows

Ive never flown before

Wont you show me?

Show me what Im waiting for

 

Please follow me

Dont be shy

Trust me now

Maybe we could go somewhere

Maybe we could fly

 

 

I love I love
I lost I lost
She loved she loved
Its lost its lost

Send me no flowers
To decorate my grave
There is no loss
Great enough to pave
Every crooked road

Painted skies
I am forever lost
In your lies
Painted skies
You spend your lives
Above this moldy tomb

Send me the light
To find my way home
There is the dark
Great enough to pave
Every crooked road

Painted skies
I am forever lost
In your lies
Painted skies
You spend your lives
Above my dying eyes
You spend your lives
Above my dying eyes.